Comments on: On Discipline: Some Thoughts

By: Susie

Susie — Tue, 26 May 2009 16:10:22 +0000

Hi Cynthia,
I would love to hear more about what you posted “…they do what I ask and if I see there is a struggle, I help them or figure out a way for them to do it.” In what sorts of ways might they “struggle” and how do you help them?
Thanks,
Susie

By: cynthia

cynthia — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:37:00 +0000

since we have given up spankings and punishment, I am most often asked, “how do you make them obey?”
I don’t.
I help them obey.
Sometimes, they just need my help.
We are in a place now … and have been for a long time …. where my children just do not disobey me. they don’t. Most people cannot understand that. Maybe it is just that my mindset has changed and I don’t identify every little thing as disobeying … but really, we are such a team that they do what I ask and if I see there is a struggle, I help them or figure out a way for them to do it.

By: Jason Goroncy

Jason Goroncy — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 09:51:00 +0000

Michael, these are important words. Many thanks for sharing them. Of course, it’s not only our relationship with our children in which the reality of confession and forgiveness must take place in order to bring life, healing and liberation.

You write: ‘Discipline is about nurturing your children towards life, and sometimes that requires pruning their behavior. But discipline does its work best when there is trust’. – YES!

By: J. Michael Matkin

J. Michael Matkin — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 09:17:00 +0000

This reminded me of an old Night Court episode where Ros tells the mother of an unruly boy, "Lady, one of these days somebody's going to put their foot down, and little Jeffrey is gonna be under it." Lovingly discipline your children now, folks, before they run into the guy with The Foot.

But seriously, one of the hardest moments for me as a dad was sitting down with my (then 4 year old) daughter to apologize for completely blowing my top and yelling at her. It had been a hard day, and I totally lost my cool over something silly and small. I had been raised by a man who acted the same way, always confusing anger with discipline. I can't remember him ever asking my forgiveness the way I did with my little girl, and that's one area of my life that I'm grateful God has helped me to surpass my own upbringing.

I wish that it was the only time I've had to do that, but those (thankfully infrequent) moments when I have to apologize have made a difference in the whole tenor of my relationship with both of my girls, and I see it already in the way that they deal with each other and their mother.

We confuse discipline and punishment. Discipline is about nurturing your children towards life, and sometimes that requires pruning their behavior. But discipline does its work best when there is trust. If your kids know that they can trust you, they will accept your discipline more easily (I didn't say 'easily,' just 'more easily'). That's been my experience, anyway. Thanks for the post.

By: Julie

Julie — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 23:13:00 +0000

Thanks for the reminder that all discipline is done out of love. When our children see anger or exasperation instead of love the message they perceive of our discipline is usually quite different than anything we may intend.