Comments on: Rethinking Discipline Part 2

By: Lisa

Lisa — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 21:49:57 +0000

“I no longer measure success in the LACK of such experiences and situations, but rather in how my daughter and I feel about each other afterwards.”

And isn’t this our walk with God? We don’t measure our life by lack of challenges, but through it all, we seek to be connected with God…and as we seek and he is faithful, we know more of his character, ways, and purposes…and who we are in light of who he is.

I truly believe that how we parenting is a reflection of who and how we TRULY believe God to be. Parenting is a spiritual journey, for me, to parent my children as I understand God to parent me…and as I seek to do this, I continually find my understanding of God challenged…and I find myself both more and less like him than I thought. And I grow…and so do my children…

By: Diaper Cake Party

Diaper Cake Party — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 22:55:28 +0000

This is a great site, I love the theme you are using. I Stumbled it for you and bookmarked it on Digg.

By: Sarah-Ji

Sarah-Ji — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 16:20:00 +0000

Thanks for the additional stories. I especially appreciate hearing from parents who have more experience than I do, since my daughter’s only 3. Practicing compassionate parenting hasn’t been easy for me, since I didn’t have that modeled for me growing up, and if it weren’t encouragement and empathy from some of my friends who have similar parenting styles, I don’t think I would enjoy parenting at all, to be totally honest.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:01:00 +0000

Thanks for the second post with all the extra links. I had just expected a couple stories to get my creativity flowing.

By: cynthia

cynthia — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:18:00 +0000

These are excellent ideas! It is difficult to give practical examples. It seems innate in humans to take something and make a formula for it. So, we take this idea of grace parenting and turn it into a law. It’s weird.
I have been on my own journey with parenting … started off very legalistic and punitive but hit a huge paradigm shift about 15 years into it. That sounds late but at that time, I had nine children ages 1 – 15 … still many years left to go.
I look at it like this, especially for those who may have been punitive before, you have to create a toolbox of things that help you. One tool may not work so you just pick another one.
One of the first tools we learned was HALT. When there is misbehavior, meltdown, no self control … ask … is the child hungry, angry, lonely or tired. I added, for the benefit of older ones, are they embarrassed or distressed making it HALTED.
This was a tool for us to stop before we swept in with punishment or just trying to control the behavior and find out what the need is. Meet the need, first. Then you can instruct.
I use it for myself when I am feeling grumpy and out of control. That’s the beauty of it. You can teach the children to ask themselves the questions to identify their own need. My four year old even learned to identify his hunger or fatigue.

I have neglected reading here and commenting … looking forward to plugging back in.

By: Jenn

Jenn — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:00:00 +0000

When my oldest son was about midway through his JK (we’re Canadian - I believe this is called pre K in US), he started having major meltdowns and alot of crying before school. I ventured into many conversations with him to try to get to the bottom of what was really going on- I knew that this was his way of trying to tell me something was wrong. It turned out that there were some more aggressive boys in his class who were playing “trapping” games that he did not like. I made contact with the school and the situation was remedied by speaking with the other children, their parents and lots of emphasis of “hands off” conversations in the classroom. My son learned that we will listen to him when he is having a hard time in a situation and help him find a solution when he can’t.
I loved the point about putting ourself in their shoes. It gives us, as adults, a whole new perspective on the situation for sure.

By: Sarah-Ji

Sarah-Ji — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 18:04:00 +0000

Thanks, Robin. For those who are more interested in Patty Wipfler and the work she does with parents, please visit the site for the organization she directs:
Hand in Hand Parenting. I'm sure there's plenty of good info on there.

Also, if any one else can share stories about how they have applied gentle discipline, I'd love to hear them. This is something I believe in strongly, but I need all the inspiration I can get.

By: Robin M.

Robin M. — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:19:00 +0000

I want to second the recommendation to read anything written by Patty Wipfler. I went to a workshop she led about dealing with children and their emotional outbursts, and I read a couple of their pamphlets. They were wonderful. One about little kids and one about teenagers.