It’s Father’s Day, so I wanted to pose a question here about honoring one’s parents when it comes to faith. I think many of us still believe that the commandment to honor one’s father and mother should be followed, at least to some extent. Especially when it comes to young children, we expect that they will honor us by listening and obeying what we ask of them. So I am wondering what your thoughts are on how this applies to the faith issue.
Many of us in the emerging conversation don’t practice our faith in the same way that our parents practice our faith. I know this has caused tension for some of us, as our parents accuse us of everything from abandoning the faith, to reject their parenting, to joining a cult. But we are adults and aren’t bound to obey their wishes. Of course we should honor them, but we have the ability to choose to engage in faith practices that are healthy and meaningful to us.
But what about when the kids are still underage and living at home? I’ve recently heard from teens interested in the emerging movement whose parents have forbidden them from taking part in the conversation. When I worked with youth we had a few very nominally Catholic students who started attending our baptist youth group and then the church. At one point their parents forbade them from coming to our church. Sometimes they would sneak out and show up anyway. I never knew how to respond then. I wanted these kids to discover a meaningful faith, but I knew they were in direct disobedience of their parents by sitting in the Sunday service. I didn’t know if I should let them stay or kick them out. I also knew a few 4th and 5th grade kids in my children’s ministry who decided to be atheists – against their parents’ wishes.
So where does the line get drawn? Where does pursuing one’s faith conflict with honoring one’s parents? Which, if either, should be upheld as primary? If teens wish to be part of a discussion or emergent cohort or a church service against their parents’ wishes what should the response of the community be? Encourage the disobedience? Tell them to wait on their faith a few years? To give up on their passions or questions? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
June 23rd, 2009 - 4:04 am
This is an interesting thought because I had just read about Rachel, which I think gives a great example to the answer to this question.
Anyways,
I think the lines of obeying and honoring become blurred a lot of the time. After you reach the point of being able to make decisions for yourself, and have your own mind about things, your parents orders become less respected as orders. With a situation such as what you described, obeying may not be the healthiest choice to make. We should always honor our parents, even if we choose to disobey them. We should always listen to their opinions, respect the fact that they were the people who raised us to be who we are, treat them with respect, and consider what they have to say…even if we disagree in the end.
Obviously, when you are underage, it is expected that you obey your parents, but is it really right when it comes to something like this? I personally believe you were correct in keeping those kids inside your church (if that was the decision you made). Kicking them out only would have done damage to their faith. The relationship between them and their parents is between them and their parents. Their relationship with God however, has a rather huge influence coming from you because of the decision they made to attend your church and learn what you had to teach.
I believe that if someone found they disagreed with their parents, and wished to pursue their beliefs, then they should do so. Disobeying, yes, but not necessarily dishonoring them. If they continue to communicate with their parents, and continue to respect and listen to the opinions of their parents…then maybe the child isn’t doing much wrong. If the child were to completely rebel and push their parents away because of their disagreement, then not only are the disobeying, but dishonoring as well.
Another thing to think about, is not whether the child is wrong…but the parent. If a child chooses to disobey because of the difference in belief, yet still tries to maintain a healthy relationship, what if they parents are the ones who choose to turn their disagreement into a war. Obviously sneaking out to go someplace is a serious problem, but it isn’t necessarily the child’s wrong doing. Wouldn’t the parents be the ones who were wrong in not allowing their children to pursue their own thoughts and beliefs? Now this is an interesting situation, and quite confusing for a teenager who is trying to please God and their parents. Perhaps sneaking out to go to church or youth group causes issues, but if a teenager is willing to put up with it for the sake of their faith…that’s saying something.
My last point is about seeing things on the other side. What if you have two parents who are christian, with a child who chooses the path of atheism? It is easy to say that “yes, a child should disobey their parents for the sake of a different or stronger belief in God…” however, when you think of someone turning against God completely, we tend to believe things a bit differently.
I personally believe the same with both situations. As uncomfortable as it is for a son or daughter to turn against God, it is still a decision that only they alone can make. Not only that, but now we are dealing with bigger issues then whether or not they are honoring their parents.
What it essentially comes down to is, parents have an influence over their children. As their children, sons and daughters should respect the minds of their parents and think over the lessons their parents try to teach them. However, obeying isn’t always the right choice, and by making the choice to do otherwise, does not necessarily mean they are dishonoring their parents. Sometimes, the parents are wrong, and the child is right. Either way, faith is something we all find out on our own, and although a parents opinion should be valued, parents should realize that after a certain point…it is up to the child to make the call.
December 18th, 2009 - 9:12 am
A tried heart and a lost mind but all for the sake of Christ
I have something simular but switched around. I was a X Drug addict now recovered and restored plus given more by the Lord Jesus Christ. I went away to Teen Challenge for a 1 year program later on to go back for 6 more months. When I was there I really was introduced to God, gave him my life, had recieved a transformed life and mind and became a spirit filled person. I was taught many Godly views, values, virtues, and morals, as the seed of Jesus Christ in my life. That time was spent away from my parents for the most part. When I left the program, I found myself standing on a ledge in my mind and heart with my parents, ready to say one thing in insucirity and fall and lose everything I ever was taught at teen challenge by and through God. I knew my parents did’nt know very much about God and when a conversation was formed of him, it became pridefull, insulting, judgemental and stired up war, even confusing knowing im there child, Gods child and under there authority and Gods authority. Then finding the understanding of unforgiveness and dishonor, judgement of there ungodlyness and the fear that comes in the midst of one trying to do the right thing while stones are being cast all around, enough to lose your mind, but worth it in the end. I found intrappedment and the reality of a lost mind I gained in all of this, I felt like a insult, a guilty person and confused one with a colusion that I can only disown my parents to overcome this because I need Gods love anyways to love them. I came to a few scriptures I tried to use to help my trouble heart. One was Luke 12:52-53 – 52 For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three. 53 The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law – I have tried to divide it with the scripture of loving your enemies, it just can be hard to except the fact that ones parents are there enemies and try to embrace the viewing of that each day but missing the point of why he mentioned to love them, heard the statement keep your friends close and your enemies closer? The guiltness and wrongness ones feels about that but the assuance and truth the word brings when one puts there trust in it to bring about a whole lot of love to have a relationship with my parents even when were ripping each others heads and divided. The aim is Jesus and a Godly Life. The next scripture was – Mathew 15:4-8 – 4 For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. 5 But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; 6 And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition. 7 Ye hypocrites, well did Esaias prophesy of you, saying,
8 This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. – This is really good because it lets me know how much God is in control, how much he can order things in or life, how much of the Way the Truth and Life he really is if we just choose to love. Above all, love, He said they honor me with there mouth & lips but there hearts are far from me. think about it the closer our hearts are to Jesus, the closer we understand him, and him in or life, he is able to help and build us up to be a Godly personal image and have identitiy of him and in him. “Who ever curses his father or mother let him die the death”, Its like Grace vrs. Legalism. “The gift is Jesus”, He is or gift, “everything”, if you want him to be. He is the gift of life. The scriptures say’s “It is a gift” after that the scripture points out this gift being profitable, and being able to make someone free and causing dishonor to parents breaking the commandent making the word of God of no affect, leaving out the basic fundamental foundations of God, I heard a pastor say once you cant pick and choose out the bible. This word points out that there is a possibilty to deny the word of God by actually trying to embrace more of it, even the possibility of a denial of all of it. which has left me with a conclusion of selfcenterness in God, meaning myself saying God this is who I am in you and how were doing this instead of God saying no this is who I am in you and this is how were doing this, “I want him now and in this way right now”, even if I dishonor you or am rude. Which isnt really right and it literally does feel like a insult or can turn out to be one when you say to you parents or think, well you didnt raise me Godly nor never really introduced to me the gift of Jesus in way I was conscious of him. Now I want to be Godly so forget you and those teaching because things have changed. kind of a tough statement, but there has got to be a loving way and a change of heart in all of this that Jesus has, while looking at my parents and in the ways that they have taught me while adventuring into new Godly things, with out it bringing about guilt and a feeling of unresponsible accountability, forsaken forgiveness, taring the word apart, making some of it useless and on top if it losing my mind. Mom, dad I want to change from the way you raised me, let me step in here with myself, “from my desicions I have made” and change into a Godly man. Is that okay with you leaves authority, is that going to be okay with you, is taking it out of pretense leaving room for there thoughts and there opinions and finds love in the center with change, Love is God, all things are possible with him and there is a way a truth and a life through him. The spirit can be insulting when your not in a repentive life thats given to God, (Im one to know) He’s just trying to help you. If your not living right basically you better right, “Be right with God” by doing that you’ll be right with everyone else and have patience, because there is a way a truth and life. This whole thing has been mind blowing But God has provailed and is glorious. Some how in some way he has brought peace in a unmeasurabel way and humbled me where I need to be.